Winning
by Sheankelor
Summary: Win or Lose, Harry had to try and get Severus back, no matter what it cost him. HP/SS EWE Written for Pekeleke, based on her drabbles, and posted at her insistence.


___An: Written with permission from Pekeleke. It includes part of or all of the following of her drabbles:'Waiting for Tomorrow', 'Getting Wet', and 'Winter Joy'.  
_

_Winning_

Harry was walking home from the shop. He liked to walk in the afternoon, it gave him time to think, time to be not be in the empty house that echoed with a loss so profound that it cut him like a knife. No one knew were Severus had vanished to, no one knows what happened to him.

That not knowing cut him to the quick, making a very large hole where his heart used to be. Used to be, because he had given Severus his heart years ago, and when the man disappeared, he didn't leave it behind.

Turning the corner, Harry stopped dead, his head turning to catch a sound that he thought would never enter his ears again. Severus' voice.

His steps took him into the store before he even realized that he had moved. A smile, one full of desperate hope, filled his face, even as a greeting came to his lips. It stopped, never to pass. There was something different about the man standing there helping a customer pick out the right herbal supplement. The way he held his shoulders, the cut of his hair, and just his overall demeanor.

This was not _his_ Severus, but it was Severus.

Gathering whatever wits he could off the shop's floor, Harry walked back out the door. He had to find out what exactly was different. Noting the name of the store, Andre`s Chemist Shop , Harry headed home.

The next few days were hard. Harry walked by the Andre`s periodically just to see Severus. The day that he wasn't there, Harry was able to talk to the other person who ran the little store.

Harry stopped in front of the counter and drew a settling breath. "Excuse me."

"Yes? Can I help you?" The sandy blond smiled politely over at the green eyed man.

"I was curious who Andre` was? Is he the black haired man that is normally in here? I want to talk to the chemist." Plausible, at least Harry hoped it was.

The blond shook his head. "I am Andre` Lopez. The black hair gentleman is my partner, Severus Snape. Both of us are chemists. How can I help you?"

Jealousy, pure unadulterated jealousy shot through the hole in Harry's chest. He was Severus' partner. Showing it aside, he took the answer as Severus was a business partner. "Yes, I am the proprietor of a joke shop one street over – The Flash in the Pan – and I was wondering if you could help me understand why this says it shouldn't be used by people who are taking NSAIDS." He held out a bottle he pulled from his pocket.

Andre` took the bottle from him and read the contents before launching into a long explanation. Harry could see why Severus was working with him.

It took Harry another week to enter the store again, this time he stopped near the herbal displays. His eyes were still glued to Severus. The tiny bit of hope that had found its way into the hole that was in the center of his chest was unraveling.

The past week had brought to his ears the story of a man who remembered nothing. At least nothing of his time before. He remembered his chemist studies and had an eclectic knowledge of the uses of different plants and animals. But his mind was a blank slate of everything else.

Just by looking at him Harry could see the happiness that had been absent more times than not cover his face. A quick flash of a smile, the brightening of his eyes all stood out to him.

Swallowing hard, Harry bid Severus a silent good bye. If anyone deserved this, it was the Potions Master turned Chemist. He wouldn't bring him back, couldn't give him back the guilt that he had lost.

Just as he turned to leave, Severus looked up at him, catching his gaze. Harry froze, unable to breath, unable to do anything more than smile. He knew his smile was far to familiar for a stranger, but he wasn't a stranger. He knew every rise and dip of that body and every smell that was associated with the owner of those dark eyes.

A blush stole over Severus' cheeks and he stepped towards this beautiful man. Every emotion that he thought he couldn't feel rushed through him. Love, lust, want and need. Every one was running through his heart and mind. That smile directed at him held so much promise -more than he ever remembered seeing before, ever remembered wanting before.

"Can I help you?" Severus darted a quick glance at the man's left hand. There was no ring, nor the impression of one.

At that moment, as that voice washed over him, Harry knew that he couldn't walk away. The past maybe gone, but he had a chance to make a future. Holding out his hand, he let his smile warm up just the slightest. "I'm Harry Potter."

Severus was almost shocked by the jolts of excitement that ran through his arm as he shook Harry's hand. "Severus Snape. Are you looking for a particular herbal supplement?"

Harry cast a quick look at the bottles that lined the wall. He needed something to keep this conversation going. "I've been run down and finally decided that I should see if something could help with that."

Unconsciously, Severus stepped closer his eyes scanning Harry's face, taking in the dark circles under his eyes and the overall tired look. "How long have you been having this problem?"

'_Since you disappeared.' _Harry swallowed hard and did his best to control his reactions to Severus' proximity. This had to be taken slowly. "Three years."

Severus raised an eyebrow and reached for two bottles. "You can take either Acia berry or Gingko. Both will help increase your energy level."

Taking the bottles from Severus, Harry almost groaned when his fingers brushed over those thin hands.

The widening of the dark eyes showed he wasn't the only one affected. "Are you going with anyone?"

The question flew out before Harry could stop it and he paused, waiting on pins and needles to see if he had destroyed everything before it truly began.

Severus stared at Harry. Surely this beautiful younger man wasn't trying to ask him out, was he? The fear in those green eyes cut him to the quick, and assured him that maybe Harry was. "No, I am not attached. Are you?"

The last question was a breathy whisper.

Harry shook his head slowly. "No, I am quite free to be with you if you are willing to go out."

With his head calling him three kinds of stupid, Severus listened to his heart as he answered, "I am willing. Tonight, the fish and chips joint three doors down?"

Harry's fingers clutched tight about the two bottles as he nodded yes. "About seven o'clock?"

Severus smiled, relieved that so far this was working fine. He looked back at the two bottles and remembered where he was. "Are you having memory problems or just lack of energy?"

Harry peered at the bottles in his hand stupidly for a moment before answering. "Only energy."

Severus plucked the Gingko out of his hands and put it back on the shelf. "Let's get you checked out."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Harry was walking home with far more of a spring in his step than had been there six months ago.

Yes, things were going slow. Severus was taking his time getting to know Harry, and Harry was learning this new Severus. They had just moved passed the calling each other their surnames. It didn't matter though. Severus was in his life again. He was able to sleep better at night, he could think better at work, his life was once again one of living and not just surviving from one minute to the next while wondering why he was still breathing. He had his reason to do so with him again.

The Weasleys periodically checked on him since Severus vanished. They had watched the life drain out of him slowly that first year, when hope of finding his partner had just as slowly evaporated. Ron and Hermione had stopped by the morning he had found Severus, and George had stopped by the store today to check up on him. The observant redhead had spotted the difference immediately and had demanded answers. It had taken a promise not to spread a thing anywhere, with the exception of the family as long as they also promised, before Harry had told him.

That conversation, which was more like a professional cross examination, was what made him late coming home today. George had finally left after extracting a promise that he would be at Sunday dinner at the Burrow.

The sky, which had been a leaden gray all day, opened up, rain pouring down drenching him as he turned the last corner.

Harry's sure steps came to a sudden stop. There, on his front lawn, was a sight he had never in his entire life seen. Severus Snape was spinning about, dancing to some music only he could hear in the raindrops, laughing.

Severus looked wild and exultant. Passionate. Beautiful. Carefree...

Harry's breath caught and for a brief moment he was glad that whatever had happened to Severus did. The Severus from before couldn't do this. "I never seen you dance before."

Severus' joy vanished, leaving Harry devastated. "Don't stop, please... I love the sound of your laughter."

Harry missed that sound. It had been such a rare thing to begin with, but it had never sounds so happy before.

Severus looked down at the ground for a moment before looking back at the man he was coming to love. "I only laugh when I dance, Po... Harry."

Harry caught Severus' hand. With a practiced ease, he ignored the jolt of arousal. Time was working. "You should dance more often then."

Severus blushed adorably.

Severus did his best to ignore his warm cheeks. Harry thought he should dance more, but the man had only seen him dancing in the rain like a fool. "There's no music."

Harry stepped a tad bit closer, his eyes not letting go of the mildly embarrassed black ones. "I don't mind dancing in the rain."

"We'll get wet..." Severus searched Harry's face. Surely, he had to think it was strange to dance and laugh in the rain. Most people thought so, that was why he normally didn't do it. But here, in this place, on this lawn, he couldn't resist the urge to dance to the music of the raindrops.

Harry laughed out loud, the sound breaking the tension. "We're already wet, Severus."

He tugged at Severus' arm, pulling himself into them. It took a lot of will power to keep an appropriate distance between them, but Harry had will power in spades. Looking up into the thin face, he let his happiness shine through. "You lead."

Desire ran through Severus as he took them both through the steps of the strangest rain dance ever. Watching Harry's face, he was struck with the realization that even though Harry had taken the first steps in this relationship, the younger man was in truth letting him lead. They were moving at his pace, his comfort level. Just now it was crystal clear how much Harry wanted to be three steps closer, flush against him, but was holding himself back. This wasn't the first time he had noticed it either.

A small niggling of a thought slipped out of the back of his mind, one that had appeared already. Maybe Harry knew him from _Before. _There was always the slightest hesitancy before he said Snape, but there was none when he said Severus. Harry also anticipated things that were quirks of his - where he preferred to sit, his favorite sweet, how he took his tea and other little things that made him stop and think if he had mentioned them before.

Setting the thought aside, Severus spun them about, reveling in Harry's laughter.

-o-o-o-o-o-

It wasn't that long after their rain dance that Severus moved their relationship further forward. In a year's time from meeting at the shop, Severus had moved out of the small flat that had never felt like home into Harry's house that felt just like one.

During that year, he had met the redheaded family that called Harry their own. He was immensely grateful to them for taking care of the man he loved while he was growing up. Harry had told him stories, bared his past so candidly that it had almost scared Severus. How, after such a small amount of time, could Harry trust him with such knowledge?

The worst part was that he only had three years worth of stories to tell compared to Harry's multitude of years. It amazed Severus at how intently Harry had listened to those tales, asking for detail after detail, as if the younger man had wanted to live it with him.

Today he and Harry were both off work and they were taking an easy day off. The entire plan for the day was to lounge around the house and do whatever came to mind. Which was why he was sitting in his normal spot on the sofa with his nose in a book.

Settling deeper into the corner, Severus glanced over at his glass of water and wished that his cup would just come to him instead of him moving. His book hit the floor when the cup floated towards him.

Harry had run into the kitchen to grab a snack, though since they weren't eating on any schedule, he could almost call it lunch. He couldn't believe his luck. It only took seven months to get Severus to move back home. The Weasleys' betting pool had been won by Molly, everyone else had been positive that it would take at least an entire year. Charlie's bet was for two years.

He was extremely grateful to his adopted family. They had put away their wands, listen to Hermione on how to dress, rode buses, and whatever other Muggle thing that they needed to do, just to accept Severus back into their fold. And not once had they slipped.

As he carried his plate into the living room, a smile played about his lips as he remembered Arthur's attempt not to give himself away the first couple of times.

Harry dropped the plate he was holding as he stared at the scene before him. There was Severus' glass of water floating in thin air. Harry wasn't sure if it was an _Accio_ or a _Wingardum_ spell, but what he was sure of was that Severus had cast it.

Not once this entire year had Severus cast a single spell. Not once had he done anything that might be remotely considered magical. From ever conversation they had had, Harry had deduced that Severus didn't know he had once been a wizard. The day that Severus first visited the house was at that moment Harry set his aside his magic. His wand was locked away, there were no potions in the house, no wizarding photos, nothing at all to remind him of the Wizarding world. If Severus was trapped in the Muggle world as a Muggle, then Harry was going to be right there beside him. There was no other place he would rather be.

But there, floating in mid air, was Severus' glass of water.

The sound of the breaking plate caught Severus' attention.

"Harry." Severus looked over at the door and gestured to the cup. "Harry, do you know what is going on? Is this a joke from your shop?"

For one wild moment, Harry thought he could play it off as that. _'Right, Severus is doing accidental magic, very controlled accidental magic, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that this won't be a single incident.' _

Drawing up every bit of courage, Harry walked the rest of the way into the room. He had never wanted to tell Severus any thing of his past. His lover was far happier now. But Fate never seemed to care what he wanted.

Settling on the edge of the coffee table, Harry reached out and took the floating glass. The knowledge that Harry knew Severus better than Severus himself did, but had not mentioned it, was going to be a very hard and bitter pill for Severus to swallow. Biting his lower lip, he looked at the face he loved for a moment longer before answering. "No, Severus. It isn't. Severus... I hope that this doesn't destroy us. I love you with everything that is in me."

Severus stiffened, his eyes searching Harry's. The way that Harry said that, the look on Harry's face, all of it told him that he was right. Harry had known him before he could remember. "Just say it, Harry. Then we'll see."

Harry set the glass down, his eyes train on it so he wouldn't have to see the anger and disappointment on Severus' face. "You are a wizard, Severus. I didn't know if you still had your magic, so I never thought to mention it."

'_A wizard? I can do magic?'_ He searched the turned away face, and realized that the idea of doing magic didn't feel off, nor did the idea of being a wizard. No, he could accept that. But Harry wasn't telling him what he needed to know. He willed Harry to look at him. He needed to see those eyes and read what they said. "You know me. Not just this past year. You knew me _Before_, didn't you?"

Harry's head had jerked up, his gaze meshing with Severus the moment he heard the first part of Severus' statement. He should have know that Severus would have figured it out. He thought he had done so well at hiding that fact. His eyes widened before he dropped them to the floor while he pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them.

Severus had always hated secrets between them and he could hear the anger in older man's voice. "Yes, I knew you." He lifted his eyes and met the confused and hurt black ones. He rushed to try and explain. "But you weren't you anymore, and what I knew could only bring you pain and aggravation."

Severus leaned forward, the pain and fear in Harry's eyes and voice drawing him closer, calming his anger. "How did we know each other? Why did you go out of your way to court me? What was I to you?"

Harry trembled as he bit his bottom lip. He knew he had to tell, but even though Severus was calmer, there was still a large chance that the man would be so upset that he would walk out. Harry knew he couldn't live through that. Dragging his legs tighter to his chest, he made sure to look Severus in the eyes. That way he had some warning of what was coming. "I -I was your partner. We had been together for five years before you vanished. You just disappeared and no one knew what happened."

Severus mind raced. "Three years. You said you were experiencing problems with your energy level for three years, the same number of years that I remember." He stopped, his eyes widening as realization struck. " It was because of me, wasn't it? Because I was gone."

Harry almost laughed, a very nervous laugh, but held it in. Leave it to Severus to put that together. "Yes, because you took my heart with you."

Severus blinked for a moment as he considered that answer. Surely, Harry didn't mean it literally, but even if it was figuratively, it explained why he was sitting here, happy and content, in such a short amount of time. Andre` had been shocked when he had gone from a work-a-holic to living with someone in what he considered record time. Severus had agreed, especially as he had shown no interest in anyone at all before Harry. _'Maybe that is why. Maybe I knew that Harry was out there, waiting, and that we belonged together.'_ The memory of their first meeting in the shop played through his mind. All the little pieces fell into place. The emotions that had coursed through him out of nowhere were not out of nowhere, they were because his heart had recognized Harry. And Harry's warm smile was because he knew him, honestly knew him.

That last thought gave him a pause. Just before he had been given that smile, he had been sure Harry was about to leave.

Severus leaned forward, his hands almost touching Harry's arms. "Why, the first day at the shop, why were you about to leave?"

"Because you were happy and carefree. You were the most relaxed that I've ever seen you, and it was because you didn't know, didn't remember..." his voice dropped to the barest whisper, "and I knew that I couldn't take that away from you."

Severus felt as if he was walking on a knife's edge. It was plain for him to see that Harry was scared to death of this conversation, but he wasn't sure how to comfort the curled up man. It would help if he knew just what Harry expected from him. "What made you stay? You knew I wasn't the man you had loved, so, why did you stay?"

Harry shot to his feet, glaring with all his might at Severus, his face now scant inches away from the other man's. "I Love You! Not the knowledge in your head, not the experiences that make you you, but You! I gave you my heart and my promise. You were it, Severus, and always will be. So – you didn't have the exact same memories, the same knowledge as before. All that meant was that I had to learn who you are now." He leaned back before crossing his arms across his chest, waiting for the attack as he answered the first question. "I stayed because the moment your eyes met mine, I couldn't walk away. I felt more alive standing there than I had in the last three years. Time had a meaning at that moment, a good meaning."

Anger had boiled under Severus' skin as Harry glared at him, yelling in his face, but it puffed away like smoke as the last statement sank in. He made Harry feel as alive as Harry did him. More than that, Harry's body language, the blatant protective barrier and stance that was prepared to run, showed how much Harry was afraid that he was about to face time with a bad meaning.

Running his fingers down Harry's cheek, he felt the muscles twitch under them before he moved his hand down to the folded arms. Using that barrier, he pulled Harry into his arms and held him until he relaxed into his chest, his head on his shoulder.

"I also felt more alive the moment I saw you that day. Up until then I worked and slept. There was friendships, happiness, and fun times, but the moment I laid eyes on you, all of that paled to the feelings that rushed through me. I was the happiest I had ever been up to that moment when you stayed."

He felt Harry's arms uncross and slowly wrap around him. The fear that had been palpable just moments before, was fading away. Resting his cheek on Harry's head, he continued. "Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, the me that I know. Thank you for letting me be who I am and not trying to make me who you remembered." He pulled Harry a touch closer. "Thank you for not walking away."

A muffled 'You're welcome' came from his shoulder.

Shifting just slightly, Severus looked about the living room with a new eye, his mind wondering just how much of this place was his from _Before_. "Did we live here?"

Harry nodded, his head moving against Severus' shoulder.

"Will you tell me? You don't have to tell me the things that you don't want me to know, but I doubt that our time together is one that I want to have remain unknown."

Harry pulled away and smiled softly. "I'll tell you everything I can, if you really want to know."

The glass caught Severus' attention. "If I am a Wizard, are you?"

When Harry nodded yes, Severus smiled. "Good . Then let's start with that. It is time that I relearned a few things. Shall we start."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Severus and Harry left George's shop with Severus shaking his head. There were too many things in that place that should have warning stickers. Harry's store was a least sensible about them. If it was dangerous for a child to use, it was marked as such.

Casting a look up at the leaden sky, Severus felt a shiver of dread. It looked as if snow was coming. Even though his magic had returned, and he could once again cast a Warming Charm, he couldn't hold his spells as long if became distracted. Nothing distracted him more than Harry and the cold.

Harry grinned with relief as soon as the first snowflake alighted on his nose: "Finally! I feared Merlin wouldn't let it snow this year..."

Severus shuddered unhappily beside him:"I can't understand why you enjoy snow so much. I absolutely despise it. I get so cold that my Warming Charms stop working."

Harry kissed his cheek reverently and Apparated then back home: "That's why I love it, Severus. You only ever snuggle close to me and fall asleep in my lap when it's snowing outside."

"Harry, I'm sorr..."

"Ssshhh. Don't spoil it, sweetheart, please. I love pampering you like this..."


End file.
